The dramas and fashion crisis of a middle aged Crone.
Decide on a snazzy black outfit; black handkerchief hem skirt, black woollen tights, slightly off shoulder long sleeve tshirt. Tights too small, barely cover bump. Too much Crone, not enough wool obviously. Skirt looks shite. Too thin (unlike Crone) and rides up when Crone takes a step. Blergh, back to everyday pants with drapey skirt over. Reinforced but sits ok.
Instead of sleek sophisticated look Crone feels like a tar dipped carrier pigeon.
Now comes make up.
Don't do this too often but have routine down pat, or so I think. Can't find neutral eyeshadow. Turn drawers upside down but it's gone. Must have been chucked in my CBF with make up cull of a few months ago. Steal teenage DD's eyeshadow. What promises smokey, seductive eyes looks like an add for domestic violence on crepey lids. Gah, wipe most of it off and grab mascara. At least I can do that right. Until I sneeze. Now look like an ad for Chinese zoo.
Try the 'sublime super plumping lip stick' in berry red. Not. A. Good. Look. Reminds me of the covers of xxx rated porn movies. Wipe off and grabs beige Dior goop God knows how old.
This is why I never go out!!!!!!
Oh, and where was I going? My gorgeous sister gave me tickets to see God of Carnage If it comes to a theatre near you go see it (some mild swearing) It is totally brilliant! I haven't laughed so much in a long time and I was really blown away by the wonderful actors. Brilliant job, the whole theatre was convulsed :)
Oh and if you head over to the website, you can become a friend of the Black Swan Theatre and get updates on all their latest news.